Pinterest Fail: The Simple Stitch Dress

Or: How to Scramble After Completely Messing Up a Dress

Now, this should've been a simple dress. A simple, simple, simple dress. A simple, simple, simple pattern for a simple, simple, simple dress.


And it was: Take a yard of fabric, cut it into 4 long rectangles, sew it all together (save for arms and head), sew in some elastic. Viola.


So -- how do you completely mess up something so easy? Get the wrong f*cking fabric.


I found it online and I was enamored. Of course, anyone worth their weight in sewing equipment will tell you that you need to feel the fabric before you buy it. But I wasn't thinking about that. All I thought was cherry blossoms -- pretty, pretty!


I think this is Milo protesting what would become a very frustrating endeavor.


So, I did what I was supposed to do: I cut it into long rectangles.


I sewed the top portions together for the shoulders. I sewed up the sides.


I should've known how insane this project would be after I realized I accidentally sewed the sleeves up.


So, this is the dress before doing any elastic-sewing in. Pretty in its own right, right? Wrong. I tried it on and the fabric had no give to it. I looked silly, to be quite frank.


So, I clipped, I hemmed the straps, I tried on again.
Terrible.
Lathered, rinsed, repeated -- still terrible, only with thinner straps.


So I tried one.more.time. And I made them thinner than I ever thought they were going to be. The upshot is that I got to trim the straps inwards toward the neck, a European style for dresses that I love but can never seem find in stores.


And then, I pinned, I hemmed, and it didn't matter how bad it looked. I was done with those straps. I didn't care if I looked like a homeless person mugged a transvestite. I was done.


Since I wasn't exactly ready to add the frustration of adding elastic to the mix, I put on my dress inside out and pinned to folds under the bust. I also pinned up the straps (I guess I wasn't that done with the straps).


This was the first dress I ever made and, to be honest, it's not all that bad. For all its frustration, it could've been way worse.


It doesn't fit perfectly, but that's what a belt is for.


Not what I was imagining when I started out, but, eh, live and learn (and learn your fabrics).

Pinterest Fail: Baking Sharpies onto Porcelain

Oh, I wanted this to work. I wanted this to work so badly.


It seems so simple: draw what you'd like on porcelain with a Sharpie, bake it, and enjoy it! The website I got this from even said I could run it through the dish washer.


So I got an adorable pitcher, some Sharpies of various colors, and went to work.


I found a pattern I loved online and slowly drew it on the vase, careful not to touch that areas I had already drawn, lest I smudge my masterpiece before baking it.


They had suggested 30 minutes at 350. I decided to err on the side of overdone and left it in for a solid hour, placing it gently on a heating pad to cool fully after I was done.


I returned to it about 5 hours later, when I knew it was completely cooled. I picked it up with my hands -- which happened to be damp -- only to find that my thumb was already smudging some of the artwork. Uh oh.


I decided to give the project the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was just excess Sharpie that I had smudged off. And I wasn't about to put it in the dish washer, in case it needed a more gentle cleaning.


The problem is that it could withstand no cleaning. After a simple rinse in the sink with soap, water, and a sponge, I was left with maybe 40% of my design.


This number dropped to 10% once I ran it through the washing machine.


The plus side is that, since it was so easy for the pattern to wash off, all I needed was a sponge to get the rest off. At the end of the day, I do now have a beautiful new water pitcher for my plant and my cat's water bowl. I guess it'll just have to be design-free.